My Certain Gluttonous Nun Can't Be This Cute
by ChaosGamer
Summary: Index began this string of her odd behaviors ever since that accidental kiss during Daihaiseisai.
1. The Bold Ex-Nun Makes Her Strike

Perhaps... he should've just stayed in bed today, Kamijou Touma thought.

Yes, in bed, to let this entire day pass by unnoticed. Such a good idea. Too bad he did not have the foresight to do so.

In front of him was Index, who happened to catch his attention first when he entered his room just a minute ago, sitting behind the living-room table, dressed in blouse and skirt.

She looked determined. Too determined.

_Please... this is only the third day of Daihaseisai... this Kamijou-san can't take much more of this forced drama..!_

Perhaps, that incident they shared in that Botanical Laboratory affected her much more than he initially thought.

"Touma."

"Index-san." Already did he default to the -san honorific. "May I... inquire... as to the reason for the change of attire...?"

"This is 20XX, Touma. Women can dress in any way they wish."

"Index-hime..." His voice became weaker every word. "You know what I mean. What happened to your nun's habit?"

"Ah, that thing?" Index held her nose up with a huff. "I quit being a nun."

…

What.

"You are a very bad boy, Touma. Very, very bad boy. You stole my heart the day we met, and you force me to watch you drink up all those attention you receive from other girls fully knowing well that I am bound by the laws of the church in terms of regulations nuns are held under regarding romantic relationships. How wicked. How cruel!"

_-No, not really..._ Touma weakly thought. _I had no such intentions... I don't even think that far ahead, at any rate..._

Yes, this was _definitely_ due to that event at that Botanical Garden, where Index, by sheer misfortune... erm, 'kissed' his cheek while attempting to bite him.

Such misfortune.

"You got problem with this!?"

Oh yes, a whole host of problems, Touma thought. From that red-headed mage who would love nothing more than a chance to unleash his fiery temper on this unfortunate highschooler... to that big-busted priestess with her hesitant attitude toward him, which, to his dense-as-tungsten mind, originated from equivalent hostility that resulted in, at best, ambivalent resentment toward him... to the rest of the power-hungry megalomaniacs around the world... was this little girl under the impression that the Anglican Church in an of itself would allow this seditious and wayward behavior of hers?

All these thoughts and more ran through his mind as Index continued her ardent speech:

"Well, no more!" Index declared, fire in her eyes. "I cast aside my position in the church, and now I will use all of my feminine wiles in my disposal to steal your heart in return!"

_She lost her mind,_ Touma thought. _Gone stark mad._

He needed to get out of here, now.

Wait, wait. He remembered reading somewhere that, in order to check to see if you were in a dream, all you had to do was to take a look at your hand. If you were dreaming, your hand was guaranteed to be messed up in some sort of way, be it be additional fingers, abnormal lengths of fingers, or a different shape altogether.

Eagerly, Touma glanced at his right hand.

It was completely fine.

But wait... was his right hand fine because his Imagine Breaker was effective even in his dreams? But that wouldn't explain some nightmares he had in the past...

It was a true mark of an idiot to trip yourself into this sort of random dilemma in midst of facing such danger as that ex-nun in front of him, who saw her chance, and made her strike-

* * *

And thus, the viewer's gaze is directed heaven-ward, with the proverbial cry:

"FUKOU-DAA!"


	2. The Bold Ex-Nun Invades the Classroom

Sleep... oh yes, sleep. Sleep was one of few good friends for this unfortunate Kamijou Touma. Sleep, however brief it may feel, was a soothing balm for his troubled soul. It rejuvenated his body with its tranquility, and allowed him to be, for a time, blissfully free from his toils by day.

Such were his thoughts while he approached his bathroom, his pillow under his arms-

"Touma."

Touma flinched. When he turned around, he saw Index, hands on her hips.

_What does she want now...?_

"-Yes, Index-san?"

"You always sleep in that bathtub... why do you never sleep next to me?"

What.

He could already feel a cold sweat running down behind his head.

Sleep next to her... she must be joking. This adolescent Kamijou-san was not someone to be trusted that much. While awake he may restrain his flesh as much as need be, but when asleep, there was zero guarantee that absolutely no inappropriate events would occur by the night. No sir; locking himself in the bathroom was the only way.

"Sumanai, Index ojou-sama, but it's for your own good..." With those parting words he headed toward his Water Closet.

But before he could take another step, he felt her surprisingly powerful grab on his arm.

"No-NOOOOOOOOOOO-"

Alas, none of his nearby neighbors took his desperate cries for help seriously. With great strength she climbed onto the bed and dragged the helpless Kamijou Touma next to her.

_Why do things like this keep on happening to me?_ Touma wondered. As for Index, she apparently decided that his protests were not something to be concerned about; she was already fast asleep like a little lamb.

That was what made this situation truly dangerous. Despite the declaration she made earlier today, she still was a fourteen-year old child who trusted Touma in a pure, childlike manner. And, in all honesty, he did not deserve that sort of trust from her. All sorts of emotions ran through in his system right now; good night of sleep, his left foot.

"This... strong urge, powerful desire to... PROTECC... this little girl, this small, petite framed girl, my gluttonous nun, from the entire world... really not good...!"

Some important questions had to be answered before he could relax his heart-rate enough for him to fall asleep. First question: face-to-face, face her back, or back-to-back?

If they were face-to-face... no, too dangerous. if his face came too close to her face...

If he faced her back... no, still too dangerous. If he accidentally began to spoon her, and if _that_ Weapon of Mass Destruction... no, just, no.

Back to back it was, then. Quickly, Touma flipped himself toward the other direction, facing outward.

Hopefully, hopefully... he wouldn't move from this position in middle of his slumber.

* * *

He was late.

In the morning, when he opened his eyes, rays of sunlight were pouring into his room. When he lifted up his phone to check the time... he realized that he had woken up thirty minutes later than usual.

"WHY DID MY ALARM NOT WORK!? FUKOU-DAAAAA!"

Thus began his mad scramble for school.

But, in retrospect, it might have been a better idea for him to stay in bed and not face that day in the first place. When he entered the classroom, huffing and puffing from running, the very first thing he saw was:

"INDEX!?"

Indeed, it was Index. She was in his usual seat, with that calico cat on top of her head; the cat meowed upon his entrance. Her fingers were folded together and arched in front of her nose. Her intent gaze was upon him.

"Touma," she flatly replied.

"-What on earth are you doing here!?"

"I see a lot of... _distractions_ here, Touma. From that miko Himegami, to that sporty-looking girl next to her with assets too big for any respectable woman, to that suspicious looking pair of that girl with headband on her head and that spiky-haired girl with glasses on her face. Too many distractions. You are _mine_, Touma, the only good you'll ever get; I ought to keep my eyes on you more often."

The classroom was in a state of absolute uproar at her mere words and presence. Tsuchimikado and Aogami was running around repeatedly yelling a word, 'Worldstar', for some reason. Fukiyose began to push her hair back, preparing to release her Fukiyose Forehead Deluxe. Poor Komoe-sensei looked as though she would faint any moment. It was here that Touma threw back his head and cried out in full force:

**"F-FUKOU-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!"**


End file.
